Our story12/30/2017 - Author: Natasha Phillips
I am not sure if there is ever an “appropriate” time to have a post like this after a divorce….I’ve asked other divorcees, my counselor and others I take advice from and each answer is a little different. It’s hard because I personally, don’t want to diminish the magnitude of marriage, the love that was shown at one time and the heartache of a divorce. The heartache and mourning that happens when the commitment you took to uphold the vows of marriage were “trampled” if you will due to sin, a broken world and a failure to uphold those vows. But….I have discovered even in the heartache come healing, joy and a restoration greater than I could have imagined.
Almost 14 years ago I was half was through a two year degree at Linn State Technical college going to school for a “commercial turf and landscape” degree. Boyd was two and life was in some ways…starting to feel “normal”. My program required an internship as did all the programs there did at that time. It was hard to find something close to home that i felt would be feasible with a little one but I eventually found one at a small landscaping coming in owensville…Hesemann landscape. The owner was just a couple years older than I, had gone through the same program as I did and was growing his business with his mom by his side helping him. I was so nervous working there….not only was I trying to “prove” myself being in a non-traditional job for a woman, but he wasn’t all that interested in me being there either as his mom had hired me….besides all that there was the fact that I thought he was just the cutest boy I had ever seen and he made me sooooo nervous….something that I never was! I can remember the first actual job I was out on with him….he had forgotten some plants and supplies at the shop and was working over by Washington and it was too far of a haul for him to come back so his mom loaded my car up with what he needed and I went to “help”. I got there and he needed things from lowes but couldn’t leave and his truck was needed for picking up the items. Problem was his truck was a manual and I hadn’t had hardly any experience driving a manual. I, of course lied, and said I would be fine trying to “prove” myself. He didn’t know until many months later I was “faking” my knowledge of driving a manual. I did it though and worked my rear off that day making sure I could keep up with the guys. Not long after that we were both coerced into going to a baseball game….some trickerie was used to get us both to go but by the evening there was no denying that we were “meant to be” and from that point on we we’re inseparable. I went on every job with him, helped at the farm and spent every waking moment with this guy who seemed too good to be true. Boyd spent his days at the shop often helping and if he wasn’t at the shop he was usually with us. Talk of marriage and the next step was part of our conversation from early on and that fall a house was purchased with plans of it being our home. We had so much fun together, never really fought and the kindness of his heart was something mine had needed and longed for a long time.
I was a mess though. Emotionally I operated like a young teenager. I didn’t know how to handle our relationship. I was going to a school where I was the only girl in my class….I enjoyed the attention and my flirtatiousness was unflattering and questionable. His jealously was something that I put completely on him even though looking back there is no way that he wouldn’t have been jealous. I was reckless, immature and unforgiving of what I thought were shortcomings. We broke up that late October without even really talking. I needed some space and other got involved and his stubbornness and mine led to a separation that both of us felt deeply.
Fast forward to this summer….I’m divorced and at this point his mother and I have been friends on Facebook for 8 years. She asked if I would come by the shop sometime just for a hug….I told her “of course at some point I will as long as John isn’t there”. After all those years I still couldn’t handle the thought of seeing him. Eventually I went by there and guess what….John was there and I couldn’t even make eye contact with him. A couple weeks later the gasconade fair was going on and I took the boys to see the parade. Elaine, John’s mom, had said I could set up where they usually set up and maybe she would join the boys and I but John…and his dad would be working. Once again….she was wrong as John was there. The next couple hours were filled with laughs and everyone had a great time. Shortly after that I received a text from him asking if we could talk….that talk was over a three hour road trip and was one of the best nights of my life. The rest is history. He never married or dated after we broke up….and the kindness and love he shows me on a daily basis feels like a dream. His love for the Lord and his desire to make Him the center of our family is an answer to prayer. We both have grown tremendously and our days are filled with laughter, love and an appreciation for each other that we didn’t have before. Maybe that is age or something else….I don’t know. The kids love him and a void that has been missing for far too long is filled.
John and I have spoke often on how divorce is never the Lord’s plan or desire…but how there is still protection, healing and grace given even through the hard times. I love this man so much and am so excited for our future!
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