Apparently in the world of social media there are all kinds of days set aside to acknowledge or celebrate little things in our life and the world that we really have no control over…like siblings. Yes, yesterday was national sibling day…who knew? Much of my childhood memories have been reduced or enlarged…however you chose to look at it…by only the good memories, the treasures and stories that make up the vibrant pattern of the quilt being made that is the tapestry of my life. I often wonder, agonize and stress over what my kids will remember, if they will have good memories of their adolescent years or if they will be filled with me telling them to “just be quiet or I am going to go crazy”, or “really, you really think that is a smart answer”, or…my favorite…”go use your imagination and stop fighting!” I also wonder how much of the past few years will define them, if they will notice or remember the turmoil they lived in, or if what they are going through now…being in two different houses…adjusting to “dad’s” house and me not being there. I am so thankful for the relationship and memories I have with my best friends in the world..,my siblings.
Not having T.V. or rather syndicated television, (we could watch movies), growing up…our imaginations worked in overtime. Our playtime was filled with variou story lines but consistent throughout most was the theme of a “bad guy or group” and a “good guy or group”. If we were pretending to live in the great country of Australia…the bad guys were dingos, prairie fires and a rich land owner. Nationality made no difference in our minds as we often re-enacted the trail of tears or the Underground Railroad…with the proverbial “white man” as the bad guy. However then wandering westward you might never know what Indian might be waiting to scalp you. Cops and robbers…more of the likes of Jesse James and Wyatt Earp kept the law and broke it. We knew no gender or race…there was no prejudices shown EXCEPT to the idea of GOOD and BAD. Those were the days…when a “wind storm” (and a fake one at that), was the “BAD” that encompassed my days. Now…I worry that my kids definition of bad will include more than their imagination and memories of fun they had or will have.
In this situation…this new era of the journey of life…it’s easy for people to blame Matt…to think he is the “bad” guy. I’m not excusing certain behaviors…but he isn’t the “bad” guy. There is NO bad guy. There were bad choices made, bad reaponses, bad circumstances…but there is NO bad guy. For the sake of my kids, for the sake of Matt…I DO NOT want this to be misunderstood. Our kids will be fine. Kids are resilient little beings…we will be fine for our kids…but we are not fine for each other. I’m thankful for Matt. I am thankful for the life we shared…not all of it…I am thankful for the growth I experienced with him and that I will continue to experience through this, I am thankful that he loves his kids, I am thankful for his family. I am thankful that even through this divorce…the kids will be fine…that we both have our kids backs…and THAT THERE IS NO BAD GUY HERE!